A Near Death Experience, No. 37.

Negative Experiences.

(No collection of NDEs would be complete without a few negative ones. Here are two by the same person. For more information on negative NDEs see FAQ number 13.)

I think both of them were accidental. One was in the early '70s. I was in the merchant marines and on a ship delivering a load of rice to Pusan Korea. I had been experimenting with drugs off and on since 1969 and while in Korea we (me and my shipmates) had found a source for some very powerful and very pure clinical LSD. It came straight from a phamacy.

So we were partying one night and I had taken one or two hits of this stuff and the prostitute I was with took a hit too, although she didn't want to because she had had a bad trip before.

Well we both evidentally overdosed and became sort of paralyzed on the floor of her apartment. It's hard for me to remember all the details of what happened when and who said what and all that cause it was so long ago and my mind was too messed up. But at some point we "left our bodies" that is we both got up off the floor and looked down and our bodies were still laying on the floor with our eyes closed. Well I just thought at first it was really good acid and it was just a long delayed "trail" and we were just hallucinating it but, something was different, we were both naked when we got up and our bodies weren't our normal bodies and we didn't have sex organs anymore and our hair was cut different, it was really weird.

Then this guy appeared out of the stereo and started talking to us about the "secrets of the universe" and started explaining all this cosmic stuff to us and we understood everything he was saying and knew what he was talking about, although now of course I don't remember any of what he said. I just knew I felt an evil presense about him. At some point he vanished and we were somehow lifted out of the room into space.

We looked back and saw the earth fading in the distance as we accelerated out into the blackness. Then it seemed we stopped and it was very dark but it felt like we were in a big room somewhere. We were just floating in midair and there were all these demonic looking creatures around us and also faces of recently deceased rock stars like Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin, those are the only ones I recognized. Jimi Hendrix was trying to warn us about something, and he kept saying "go back, go back before it's too late", or words to that effect.

Anyway I don't know how long we stayed there but eventually we began flying again and when we looked back at the earth there were all these bodies of people behind us and in front of us and it sounded like groaning and people were dying it looked like a spiralling mountain of dead and dying bodies me and the woman were climbing over the bodies as they died, and then she told me she couldn't go any further and she died too. So I crawled over her body and kept climbing, I was too afraid to stop. I had the impression that something universal had just happen in the spirtual realm and it was really happening like the world coming to and end or time coming to an end and then I thought "I must be dead or dying too" then I really got scared and started screaming for JESUS to save me.

Well then it seemed like everything vanished and I was all alone at the end of the tunnel, I forgot to tell you that it did seem like a tunnel we were travelling through at one point.

And then this face came out of no where, it was the face of my step grandfather, who was a preacher, His eyes were glowing like fire and he was just shaking his head back and forth and saying go back, go back, there is no back door to heaven, you came the wrong way, go back now! His voice was real loud too.

So I started praying even harder and louder for Jesus to save me, and when I looked down, all of a sudden I was hovering in the apartment room over my body, there were thousands of demonic looking beings circled around my body and it looked like they were trying or wanting to get into my body. But my right arm came up with a clenched fist and started circling to the right and this deep powerful voice came out of my mouth and it was saying "I am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father but by me." Every time it said that my fist made a circle and with every circle made more demons vanished until they were all gone. And when they were all gone my spirit or soul "fell" back into my body.

And I woke up or came to at the same time the Korean girl was waking up too. Both of us were scarred to death about what had happened she remembered what I had remembered although she couldn't speak very good english.

Now I know most folks just chalk it up to bad drugs and a bad trip and I did too at first until years later, I was in this rehab center trying to get my life straightened out and I met this guy there that I had never met but he seemed familiar. Well we got to talking and it turned out he was stationed in Pusan Korea the same time I was there on the ship! And he had flipped out on that same clinical acid that same night and he was one of the people I saw in the big room with the dead rock stars! That was really eerie.

Well most folks wouldn't say that this account is a valid NDE but I am convinced it was and Jesus is the only reason that I am alive today.

Second Experience.

Then the other time was when I was in a mental hospital and the nurse was trying to calm me down and gave me an overdose of thorazine, which is a powerfull seditive. They couldn't get a pulse or heartbeat reading from me for several minutes.

That time I saw the lake of fire and was about to be thrown into it when I screamed for mercy. I woke up in the hospital bed and a nurse was sitting on my bed taking my pulse. When I woke up he said "you really gave us quite a scare there". And I said "you think you were scared!"

I know all this sounds crazy and now, decades later I sometimes wonder if it was all in my mind too. But the memories are still there and I am convinced that something happened to me besides just drug overdoses.

I wish I had more validation and documentation and all that stuff but I don't, just my memory which isn't all that good anymore. I rememebered more of the details right after these experience's happened to me. But later when the NDE's got more popular in society, I started reading books about them and people were telling about similar experiences. It still haunts me and I have "given my heart to Jesus" over and over again cause I don't ever want to go to hell. But now I struggle with the "mechanics" of salvation and how can one ever be really sure that they will go to heaven cause so many folks teach and believe that it's a real fragile thing and if you "backslide" and die before you get a chance to repent, then that's it you are going to hell and nothing can change that. I hope that's not true but after going through what I have already gone through I don't want to "miss it" again.

I know you probably believe everyone is going to a peaceful place when they die no matter what, and I hope for your sake that you are right but I know it just doesn't work like that. There is too much evidence to the contrary, not only in the christian realm but also in the heathen and pagan religions they all tell of some sort of "heaven" and some sort of "hell" or tormenting phenomenom.

Why is that? Are we all having the same sort of mass hallucination all over the world, from generation to generation through out the centuries? I don't think so. There is something to it, heaven and hell are real places and we will all end up in one or the other someday, sooner than we think too.

I did try to commit suicide once after the Korean experience. I had a flashback and the demons came back to me and tried to get me to slash my wrists. And I did, but not deep enough and my sister found me in the bathroom bleeding and took me to the hospital. That was another really bad time of my life but I didn't die that time just thought I was going to die.

Of course when I relayed my story to the shrinks they labled me as a person with a messiah syndrome or complex. Which means they said that I thought I was Jesus for some weird reason. Which I admit at times on LSD I did think I was Jesus but at other times I thought I was the devil himself. They said that was because I was raised in a christian home and all the biblical teachings were causing my delusions. They told me to quit reading the bible for awhile until I got more stable mentally.

Anyway now no matter how bad my life may seem or get I know I won't ever try suicide again, I'm just too chicken and scared of ending up in hell forever with no way out. Although I do entertain thoughts of suicide from time to time it's mostly just self pity and depression.

Well those are my stories as best as I can remember them. Hope they can help someone somehow.

All I can say is Jesus is the answer to the question "why are we here?" He really is God Almighty come in the flesh! Believe it or not it won't change who He is or what he has done for us on the cross. I hope someday you realize just how much Jesus loves you and I will see you in heaven someday.

God bless you,


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