NDE and never being the same

My name is Sharon....  Was hoping this was a more active site.  I need answers.  I need others who have been through near death experiences. 
 In the year of1971  I was hit by a city bus while riding a  bike....Even though I don't recall the accident , I do recall my body in the street laying there... I saw it as I peacefully was floating up on a cloud of light.  My body soon vanished as it got  smaller and smaller.

It was a few months after that I first even reconized being told a bus had hit me. 

My family told me I been in a hospital and they had to stay with me being the staff didnt have watch for me.  I was concidered to have brain damage and kept trying to leave the hospital naked.

I had a head injury ,fractured skull,,,,broken shoulder and scalpula .

My first actually memory was  3 months later.  I woke up  by the sound of yelling in my moms home.  My sister and mom were fighting I guess.  I screamed....They came in. Told me I was  hit by a bus.

This was my first memory from after the accident.  I dont know if they had told me before or not but this is the first thing I can remember since.

I  recall  always speaking about the universe in such detail,,,,but yet I didnt know what was makiing me talk about this.  I was in such knowledge but yet didnt understand it.   I talked about another whole world to me, but yet now I don't  recall  a clue  of  anything I said back then.

I wish it was recorded.  I think it would of helped many who had near death experiences.

LOVE..Love becomes more important then ever before or at least with me.

I feel I'm not really in this world but standing outside of it looking in.

I feel  everyone is a part of me.   To love....to worry about . 

I find excuses for behaviors of others.  Of weaknesses  ,experiences ,,,etc that make them what they are today.

I don't want to see others hurt....I dont want to see others struggle.

But most of all,,,,,I wish people knew their weaknesses and their strong points and what makes them who they are today.

I see so many afraid of themselfs with walls ,,,It stops them from knowing what LOVE is all about or even how to truely LOVE another.

You must be able to understand yourself  to understand another.
You must be able to LOVE yourself to LOVE another.
You must love your flaws ,You must be ok with exactly who you are.

But yet so many have no clue who they are.

Funny,,,,if you dont dress fancy or nice.... If you dont wear makeup or have your hair combed the way its expected  ,you are not happy with yourself.   But who make that rule or observation?

That stuff is only important if you made it important.

Fancy cars don't mean a thing to me, nor does putting on a dress.

I have alot of emotional pain.  But is not about me as it is how I see the people in this world.

So much stress.  So much into only themselfs.  So much not able to step out of their shoes to put themselfs in someone elses shoes.

Sure I would love things to be different with me... but not as far as who I am as a person.
We as people are all unique with our own stories to make us who we are today.
 
I can honestly say I would never change a thing about me. I love who I am .   I have lots of pain, I feel,,,,,I love,,,,,,I hurt,,,,,I cry,  I care.  I even love all my mistakes I have made in life. That makes me who I am .    Sure I have weaknesses,, sure I can use change to better myself.   But who I am I will never want to change.   I LOVE me, I repsect me.

I come here for answers ,then I get carried away with blabbing.   

I just want to fill in everything that I dont have answers to.  And to find out if others with NDE are struggling too.  And feeling like they are not really in this world but looking at it from the outside of it at times.

lifeaftr,

Here are some links that will help you answer your questions; however, I know Sam (aka Lekatt), the forum's Administrator and also someone who has had an NDE, will be along shortly to answer your questions as well.

http://www.nderf.org/
http://www.nderf.org/NDERF_NDEs.htm
http://www.nderf.org/random_page.htm
http://www.nderf.com/phpBB2/index.php

http://www.near-death.com/

http://www.neardeathsite.com/gibson.php
http://www.neardeathsite.com/index.php

http://4herway.com/4letterword/
http://4herway.com/2dbtds/index.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33CScI1P7Bc

Namasté, Charles

Hi Sharon

Welcome to the world of near death experiences. You just had one. What you describe is normal for a near death experiencer, the confusion, feeling you are standing outside the world looking in, the importance of love, feeling at one with the entire human race, etc. This will lessen in time as you begin to integrate the experience into your life. Those that know about near death experiences will consider you lucky, but those that don't know might consider you crazy. It will take time, and I will help with answering questions and support. There is nothing wrong with you, in fact, you are more whole now than you were before the experience, more aware, more loving and compassionate. You are truly OK. It took me about three years to integrate my experience and become a helper to others. You will probably want to help also, once you understand how real you are. Yes, this world is an illusion, a school for us to learn about ourselves, which you just did in a crash course of the near death experience. Just relax, you are among friends and fellow experiencers, and also those who haven't experienced yet believe. You can write here anything you experienced and it will be taken as truth and in a serious manner, so what would your questions be? We are ready and willing to help.

Love
Sam
aka Lekatt

Wow, I don't think I ever been back here since I wrote in here trying to find answers.  Sam ,its been way more then a few years for me that this has happened.. My accident was in 1971. Years ago.   But I have experienced things that most can't get into believeing. 
Once at a super maket about 30 years ago give or take. There was an older man blue on the floor of a Ralphs supermarket. A worker there was yelling, There is a dead man on isle 5 or what ever isle it was.  Is there a doctor in here.   She was freaking out.  A man who worked next door at a drug store in the pharmacy said,I'm a doctor.  She says to him,no you are not, you work next door. 
I knealed over this man,  took his right hand in my left hand for calmness and my right hand on his head for engery.  I repeated the same words to him over and over. You can't leave us now its two close to Christmas, your family needs you.   Suddenly he sat up a min. before paramedics arrived.  People in the store were saying how did you do that.  I stood up and started to shake a bit feeling light headed and just walked away wondering , Did that man see me as a guardian angel.?  I will never know.  Nor do I know what made me kneal over him like that other then I know I was to keep repeating those words.  Who told me to take his right hand in my left for calmness, and my right hand over his head for engery.  ??   Then another time, I had my grandmothers watch on.  I said to my theapist, I cant go home. My grandmother is telling me something bad is going to happen.  My watch is going 10 min. fast every 5 min.  Of course the usuall, when ever I said something was going to happen it did. But they would never believe me.   
Later that afternoon I got home.  There was a knock on the door. I opened the door to find 3 men there. They pushed open the door . Tied me up with phone line after ripping the phone out of the wall. One had a gun, one had a knife and one had numchucks  in their hands.
I was alone for at least an hour before one of my roommates got home and was tied up with me.  They searched the whole house and finally left.  No one was harmed.  I called my theapist afterwards and said,"I told you something bad was going to happen.
Then told her.    My grandmothers watch then went back to normal.   
I still have a hard time with life.  My insights of understanding ones mind is so far advanced from the average person.  I went to a spiritual healing group.  They told me I have a sixth sense.  They see a white horse over my head. I was pulled out of a crowd of people to hear that.   

I still dont have must of my childhood.  My life back here after NDE was like a new beginning.  I had to learn how wrong this world is today.  Lies,greed, power,murders, rapes.   It was like a child in an adult body. 
And I wonder, where is GOD in all this?      Years ago , after my accident.  A voice keeps telling me ,I'm to write a book.   Each time I try, I go into tears.  I know my book willl have alot of purpose.  But I want it to have a happy ending.  And right now , with the way the world is, there is no happy ending. 
The world is so screwed.   And yet I worry about everyone in this world.   My sister says,,,worry about yourself.   You are always so kind and giving and caring of others.  But I cant. Its just who I am.

I cry seeing all these people losing their homes today.  Or the way medical attention is for the poor. People taking their lifes.  Its a shame, I don't care how rich someone is.  Or how poor someone  is.  When it comes to medical care. People should be treated equal.

I say ," I might not be wealthy, with lots of money to buy what ever my heart desires. But its ok. Cause when I die. I don't take that with me.  But even if I'm poor and my pockets are bare.  When I die, I wil die rich. My heart is made of gold.  Those memories of me will live forever.

Yes you will always be rich. When you have a near death experience and feel the love you can't help but be kind and helpful to others. It is the nature of standing in the unconditional love of God. I love your writing. I am an experiencer also. You could email me with question Lekatt at aleroy dot com if you wish.  I think you are doing fine, learning is what we do.

Lekatt
aka
Sam

So why does this world seem so clueless? Why is it so hard to see so many walls up in people.?  I  want to know if you know anyone who can help me write a book.   Why can't people put themselfs in others shoes.?   Truth will always be in the eyes of the beholder. But is that really truth if your soul hasnt been searched?  Does anyone really know themselfs completely?  I feel I  have been tested ever since I came back.   But its for a reason.  When I first had my accident, my sister told me I was saying GOD wanted me to come back, he wants me to write a book.   But yet, to write a book by myself I have so many tears.  But words to tell.  I copied your addy, but not sure I copied it right . So wrote here,but wil try to send u an email and see what happens.

 Guess through email it didnt work, I tried to write you from my email and it was lacking a name with it or something..  But in the letter I tried to write was wishing I could find an open dicussion on NDE for all those who do have questions, or what to compare notes to a better understanding. Thinks we can all learn from each other.   And also I wrote,maybe the world would be a better place if gov. asked NDE people for answers.   We all belong to GOD.  We are all brother and sisters to him.  Love is what its all about.  We need to take care of each other when in need.  and not fullfill our minds with power and greed..

I don't know if this will help with your questions, this is an excerpt from my book "So You're afraid Of Dying"

I don't know how long I was in the waiting room, but I do remember at one point I was leaning forward in my chair thinking; 'I really don't feel good'.  The next thing I remember is waking up on a gurney in this little stainless steel room (I think it must have been the elevator) and there were a bunch of people all doing stuff to me.  I wasn't sure what they were doing, but they all looked frantic to me.  I was only conscious for a minute or two and then everything went dark.
It seemed to me that as fast as everything went dark, I was just as suddenly in this warm brilliant light, not traversing through a tunnel as so many have described, but just suddenly there.  When I say 'brilliant', it was not harsh, but of a hue I had never seen before, and it was very comforting.  My first thought was how absolutely wonderful I felt, I couldn't believe what a marvelous job the doctors must had done to me, I felt like I had never been sick.
I had never felt the way I did now; I felt this compassion and love all around and within me.  I knew I was not alone, but I saw no one except these warm comfortable lights all around me, and off in the distance a brighter, 'warmer' light.  Somehow this warmer light beckoned me to come closer to it, I didn't hear a voice, but rather the voice originated within me.
As I started towards this warmer light, I realized I was not a physical body, but I also was an orb of light.  I was able to see, hear and move freely about in this form, I found it absolutely amazing.  As I approached this 'warmer' orb of light I was overwhelmed with compassion, love and a feeling of complete acceptance.  I felt like I was 'home', where I was always supposed to be, where I came from originally.  This Entity said;
Welcome brother, I have some things to tell you.”
This Entity told me of the creation of the Universe and all of its wonders.  He (I say 'he', but there was never a sense of gender in this Entity or in me myself) explained the creation of physical Entities and the 'souls' that were created for them.  All the time he was saying you need to remember what I have told you, it is very important that you remember.  I have no idea how long this lasted, in this 'realm' there is no sense of time, it's like time does not exist here.
I asked this Entity why some people had said they had gone to Heaven and been in the company of God or walked with Jesus, and what I was and what I saw were just these 'orbs of intelligent energy'. The response was;
"You see us as we truly are, as you truly are.  We are all things to all wholesome souls.”
What that means to me is that whatever you believe to be true IE, a God, Angels, or whatever, that is the reality you will be in, in the realm I have no name for.  That means if you believe you will walk with Jesus, you will walk with Jesus.  If you believe your departed relatives or favorite pet will be with you, then they will be with you.
Most people say that just before they came 'back' from their NDE, they were told it was not their time yet and they had to go back.  I was never told that, and I was never shown a 'life's review' as most claim.  The last thing this Entity said to me before I came back was;
“You have work to do.”
I have often thought about the 'realm' I have no name for;  Where is it?  What is it?  I can tell you that after being, 'space', the 'realm' I speak of, is not in our physical Universe as we understand it.  Maybe it is in another dimension, I just do not know, I only know for sure that it does exist!
I used to wonder about dying, was there really anything after this physical life, or were we simply consumed back to our originating elements.  I wanted to believe (as most do) that there is something after this physical life, but I never really accepted this concept until my NDE and subsequent contact with the Eternals.  I can tell you empirically that I now have no fear of physical death, and I am actually looking forward to the next leg of my journey.  I can in all honesty say that in my mind I have lived a less than perfect life, and if I am acceptable to the Eternals, then there must be many billions of people on this world that are also acceptable!

Thanks for your post.  I was so able to relate to much of what you have said.  I was ran over by a bus while riding a bicycle the day my car was stolen. I needed to get to my graduation party as a veterinary technician.  I never recalled the accident at all.  But what I do recall was seeing my body lying in the street as I floated up in a very peaceful mode in beam of light.  I saw my body get smaller and smaller then it just was gone.  During that time. I do recall my life as if on rewind in a fast mode.  But it was all erased.  It was 3 months later that I first recall being told a bus ran me over.  I dont recall at that time being in a hospital at all. 
I woke up in my moms home.  She had told me what happened.  Not sure if that was the first time I was told or it was the first time I actually remembered. 
But they told me stories about my time in the hospital.  They said I had brain damage and would be a vegable according to my mother. She told me stories how I have acted while there. In an accute hospital but yet needed a 24 hr watch.  They took turns staying there with me cause the nurses couldnt.
I worked in a convelesent hospital at nights while in school during the day.  How I acted was I was taking over the personalitys of those patients.  I was leaving the hospital being found in the parking lot naked or just with hospital gown on. (one of my patients did)
I would keep asking for my chocolate candy bar,even though I had one  or my lunch or dinner even though I ate already. (another one of my patients)  And then one of my nasty patients, I kept pulling out my IV and calling the nurses "You fucking wicked bitches" (another one of my patients).  Guess somehow I  became them.  But I was no where to be found.  I sure wasnt me.....
Most of the things I know about my childhood is what my family has been telling me.   But my life was pretty much erased. I love my family but I dont feel the type of bond to them as a family.  I dont know them from growing up with them at all.
I started doing all this talking about the universe . Words would just pour out of my mouth being so intense I didnt know where it was comming from. But at the same time it inpowered me with knowledge as I spoke.  I wish at that time I was recorded to hear what I spoke.I was very psychic . It was so powerful at the time . As time on out of fear I lost quit a bit of it.
I moved out of my moms home to be on my own in a strange world I knew nothing about. I was like a child in a adults body.
I took a job in a massage parlor giving massages and then some:(   I took the job thinking ok , I dont mind giving massages.
Slowly I would get a flash of who I was and my morals of who I was. It was like ,I dont belong here. But that feeling would leave.
But as time went by ,more and more of me would come out. Then I started having blackouts.
Lots of them. I got worried and went to a neurologist. Told him how I felt I was being told who  I was and what to do. He put me in lock up.
That was probally the worse place to put me.  I had a brain injury and my brain was healilng but instead they pumped all these drugs into me.
My conscienceness kept telling me.  You dont need these drugs .  I was getting so spaced and mind altered.
I spent most of 4 years in a hospital .  A friend who knew me before my accident said, you dont need this ,these drugs are doing you wrong.
He took me to a naturalpath who put me on all thes mega vitimins and within two weeks of no drugs and mega doses of vitimins. I started to become human again. 
But I had many spirits around me watching over me.
I raised two beautiful girls. My brain has a short term memory and I still lack 90% of my childhood. But my brain has strength else where.
The understanding of the mind and people. 
People tell me I would make a great theapist. But I dont believe in the drugs. They can only mess yah up.  There is so much about life and each other. People just need to listen.

So why does this world seem so clueless? Why is it so hard to see so many walls up in people.?

We as humans are still only in our infancy as an intelligent species in the universe. That explains so much. We don't yet know through our science about the existence of other worlds. That is going to change, but it will take time. However, the pace of the increment of our knowledge is accelerating exponentially. Typically people only believe in what they can see and feel. The physical world is all the world as far as they are concerned. Even some who believe in an afterlife have just a one dimensional idea of what it is like: two choices, heaven or hell.

  I  want to know if you know anyone who can help me write a book.

Sure, Sharon, I'll help. I'm writing a book about science, mathematics, philosophy, and spirituality. I now have about 10% of my rough draft finished. I feel for you when you say you have difficulty with this; it is far from easy for me even though I have an enormous amount to write about. It is my first book, and I'm sure others will follow. Robert Heinlein, the grandmaster of science fiction, once wrote about the process of writing that the first steps were the hardest, but after awhile he felt like he had a monkey on his back so he had to write; it was a compulsion. (I'm looking forward to that.)

My name is Charles Lazo, and I will have succeeded in my purpose if future generations remember that name as someone who helped to enlighten his generation concerning the reality of afterlife worlds. I seek fame and fortune only in so far as it helps me accomplish this purpose. Another goal of mine is to live for at least 1,000 years (Yeah to beat Methuselah's record 969 years), but a million might not be too much.

You can write me at this email address:

     nowisforever@live.com

That email account is one I use that typically only collects spam, so I don't mind making it public. I check it about once a month just so it doesn't get deleted from non use.

   Why can't people put themselfs in others shoes.?   Truth will always be in the eyes of the beholder. But is that really truth if your soul hasnt been searched?  Does anyone really know themselfs completely?

People don't know that there is only one of us. A single being with complex and apparently distinct outer forms. If they knew this they would be as eager to see to the advancement of their neighbor's cause as their own. Until every human knows this as well as they know they woke up this morning our species will not have advanced to it's adolescent phase.

  I feel I  have been tested ever since I came back.   But its for a reason.  When I first had my accident, my sister told me I was saying GOD wanted me to come back, he wants me to write a book.   But yet, to write a book by myself I have so many tears.  But words to tell.

You can read it in so many places from so many authors of spiritual texts: we are here because we have a purpose. We are here to further the evolution of our form of life. Suicides learn of this by the profound trouble they experience in the afterlife. Every person is a brick in the edifice of the structure that will be our future transcendent, glorious, luminiferous, adulthood of humanity.

Namasté, Charles